Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
