Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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