I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's paint friendship bongs
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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