If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
