Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
