he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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