ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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