haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
