evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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