you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
