did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Panties = found
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
