I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize