me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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