No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
