all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
