I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
