Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
