I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
