Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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