if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
