in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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