We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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