Ambien. No doubt about it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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