dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
