You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
