youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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