I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
