I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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