I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
