We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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