Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
