i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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