mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
