Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
