I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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