That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize