this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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