Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
