This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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