So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
