It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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