You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
