how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
