You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
