She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
two words: eviction party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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