i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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