You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love you. Go after that dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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