Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
