Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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