You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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