OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
