Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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