guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize