you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
