Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
