I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize