I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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