you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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