we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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