i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
