what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
