"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize