I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
