Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
