Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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