Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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