a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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