i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
