How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize