I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
