i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
