u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
