I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
