I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
