I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
