You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
