Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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