roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
