I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
