I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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