I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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