Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize