So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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