I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
