I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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