I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
