it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
