she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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