just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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