I looked at my own cervix.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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