You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
