There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
