We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize