This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
