she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
