I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
