I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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