im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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